Beyond the Pain

Unemployment Soars! Another Canadian Soldier Dies In Afganistan! 7-Year Old Girl Sexually Assaulted!

Crud, I so love listening to the news on my radio — NOT!

It’s not like I wasn’t already feeling mucho stressed — which I KNOW because my Fibro pain has returned … and with a vengance!

So, on my walk this morning I got to thinking about what was stressing me. I was just ‘delighted’ to identify SIX separate stressors. Then it occured to me after I got back from my walk, that it would be useful for me to share my approach to reducing the stress that’s escalating my pain.

So, over the next few days I’m going to write about how I’m dealing with those 6 stressors: in the hope that my tactics will help you.

What’s the FIRST step to Reducing Stress?

Step 1: Know When (and how much) You Are Stressed

How could it be possible that YOU might not know you are stressed?

Well, ya see, each of us manifests our stress in different ways and sometimes we exhibit stress differently at different times.

For example, when I first experienced significant stress — which, ironically, was during the last huge, mofo economic recession in 1982 — I reacted to the stressors in my life by becoming Clinically Depressed.

Up until then, I’d never been really sick. Sure, I’d had the flu, some colds, but I’d never experienced a major work outage. Suddenly, work sucked big time! I could barely drag my butt into work. In fact, the new position I had just started — which I had created — I was starting to HATE.

It wasn’t till I met with a psychologist that I began to understand that my depression was due to stress. So, I began to do extensive research into stress and stress management techniques.

Little did I know at the time, that I would spend years learning how to better deal with stress. And, that my work would evolve into a coaching practice that involves, among other things, helping creative professionals deal more effectively with stress.

So, HOW do you KNOW when you are stressed?

Get the hell out of your head and into your body!

Yes, I know your body hurts! Mine sure as hell does. I know the last thing you want to do is FEEL THE PAIN MORE!

Trust me. Feeling INTO the pain will: a) give you some important clues about WHAT is stressing you and b) will actually reduce the pain — eventually.

When I finally SURRENDERED to the massive pain I was feeling in my hips and shoulders I then began to connect to the actual stressors that were contributing to the pain. Ya see, I had thought that there were only 2 things stressing me. As I felt the pain, and listened to it, it told me about ALL the things that were pressuring me.

So, the first step to reducing your stress is to know WHAT is stressing you and HOW MANY things are stressing you. And, you do that by moving into your body, into the pain, taking a breath or six, and listening to what the pain has to say.

NEXT — Step 2: Prioritize Your Stressors

This post’s title is a riff on one of my fav Tina Turner tunes, “What’s Love Got To Do With It”?

Well, for those of us whose chronic pain orginates from childhood sexual abuse; I’d say EVERYTHING!

We’ve all heard about the Body/Mind thing. We’ve all heard about the Mind/Emotion thing. We’ve all heard about the Mind/Spirt thing. But, few of us (well at least me) seldom heard about the SEXUAL thing.

What do I mean?

Early on in therapy I learned that there is a BIG connection between the Mind and the Body. Through Cognitive Therapy I began to change the way I thought and the way I talked to myself. This helped mitigate my depression.

As I read hundreds of Self Help books I began to see the connection between Body / Mind and Emotion. Then came a 4th dimension: Spirit. I’ve long been a spiritual seeker but only in the last 15 or so years have I explicitly explored spiritual beliefs that are non-Christian.

So, up until recently my understanding was that the parts, or pieces, or aspects of our beings that intertwined and interacted with each other were just 4: Mind, Body, Spirit, Emotion.

Then I began to do some relationship work with my best friend Bill Astalnok who is a Certified “Body Vibrance” Coach. I was surprized to learn that the model which underpins Body Vibrance work is 5-fold.The added element being SEXUAL.

As I began to think about that it made a lot of sense. After all, sexual abuse victims have Tribal wounds; wounds that lodge in the 1s Chakra.

And, all the Cognitive Therapy in the world will not touch or release the Trauma stored in our sexual organs.

So, 2 years ago I sought out a local Tantric Coach to help me free up my sexuality. Unfortunately, I got sick … probably because I wasn’t then ready to really DO the Work.

Now though, I believe I am ready!

So, starting next week I’m going to be doing some Tantric Healing work.

My goal is to heal the pain of sexual abuse and to free up my creative, Kundalini energy.

I’ll let you know how it goes.