Beyond the Pain

Got that old ‘tired and wired’ feeling this morning because
I woke at 1:00 a.m. and could not get back to sleep.

I am thinking that I may need to drop my dosage of Effexor.
But, first I am going to cut out doing my light therapy.

Man my brain is racing but my body is tired. Used to be that
I could go for days on only 3 hours of sleep. Now the old body lets me know
right away just how unhappy it is.

That racy brain, tired body feeling is crazy making. It must
be like the mixed moods of Bipolar Affective Disorder: manic and depressed at
the same time! Who hoo!

It was nice to walk back from the service station with the
temperature at 0 Celsius (32 F). But, man some of the sidewalks are icy.
Homeowners who don’t shovel their sidewalks should be spanked at the very
least. I had to cross the street to find an ice free sidewalk and nearly got
run over by some yahoo speeding. People in this city are in too much of a
hurry.

The challenge today will be to figure out how to stay
focused; and to actually get something done.

I’m trying the timer method: 30 minutes to write and post
this, for example. And, ignoring the email arrived signals Gmail sends. Turning
the radio off to reduce stimulation. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath
to regain focus. Stretching my neck and upper arms every few minutes when I
notice them, which is usually when my eyes are closed.

Wow. This only took 13 minutes to write. Now to post it and
then on to private reflections.

Some days I think it was easier when I was in pain every day.

Bone grinding pain every day sucks no question. But, it's harder for me constantly shifting from pain to no pain and back to pain again.

Take today for instance. (PLEASE take it!)

My pain went away yesterday about 11 in the morning. And, I had a good afternoon. Even got some small changes made to my website.

Then I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been run over by a semi. Achy all over and tired as sin.

And, it's that shifting from no pain to pain that I find immensely discouraging; particularly since these days it seems to be happening every other day. I don't know if the pain feels worse because I'd gotten my hopes up a teeny tiny bit or because it really is worse.

Then of course my rational scientific brain. or at least the part of my brain that still is, kicks in and tries to figure out THE REASON. Why pain today and not yesterday? What did I do wrong? What didn't I do that I 'should' have?

It's probably the damn weather: it's Chinooking again. Massive pressure shifts and a 20 degree F temperature shift from yesterday. And, if it IS that what the heck can I do about it? Move? Hardly. So, it's ride it out — AGAIN!