It was 1 of those “good news, bad news’ sessions.

The good news?

After reviewing 30 years of my medical history, he discovered that there was “nothing wrong with me physically”.

YES, you heard that correctly!

YES, I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia Syndrome and Chronic Fatigue (CFIDS). So, how is possible that with so much muscle pain, so much exhaustion, there could be nothing wrong with my body?

It’s simple really.

Very recent research into the mechanism by which Fibromyalgia operates suggest that it is due to a dysfunction of the Central Nervous System (CNS). That means the problem is in the brain, not the body.

Therefore, as I understand it, the myriad of symptoms experienced by Fibromites are the result of CNS problems.

Here’s how that news has freed me up.

If there’s nothing wrong with my muscles — well, other than the fact that 14 months in bed have atrophied them to some degree — then there’s really nothing preventing me from doing stuff. Stuff like walking, hiking, running (except I don’t DO jogging), making love (except I don’t have a lover).

So, for the past 2 weeks, I’ve hiked my butt out of bed first thing in the morning. And, gone for a walk.

When I first started I could walk  for 1/2 an hour and travel 6 blocks. Now, I walk for an hour and travel 30 or more blocks. YIPPEE!

I’m pumped!

Morning walks have been an integral part of my Spiritual / Creative Practice. For it’s on these walks that I have the alone time I need to ponder, mull, and compost ideas. And, to dialogue with God Within Me.

Starting my day this way is critical because it gets me calm, centered, and focused on what’s important. And, because it connects me to Spirit.

I’ve noticed important improvements in my life. For example, on the weekend I drove to the foothills west of Calgary and hiked in the wind.  Why is that a big deal? Because normally — whatever normal is — wind provokes massive pain. And, it didn’t! YIPPEE!

What’s the bad news?

Tune in to the next post to see why the bad news is really good news.

One of the biggest is the sheer unpredictability of it. For example, 2 days ago I was able to hop in the car and drive to and from the Town of Canmore, to have lunch with my daughter. Being able to drive 2 1/2 hours round-trip doesn’t sound like much. But, for me it’s a major accomplishment. Normally, when I travel to the mountains I have to space my driving out over 2 days: driving to my destination 1 day and returning a day or 2 later.

What was even more astonishing was that fact that it was incredibly windy. Normally wind gusts provoke pain but not that day.

Yesterday was a whole different story.

The winds started blowing around noon and my ‘friend’ pain paid a visit. Pain is a ‘friend’ in the same way that a woman’s monthlies are a friend.

Over the course of the afternoon the pain ramped up until I could barely walk. The problem was that I was on the other side of the city, about 40 kilometers and a 1/2 hour drive from home base. Gritting my teeth, literally and figuratively, I drove home and collapsed into bed.

Why  bed? Well, quite simply when the pain becomes off the scale the only ‘treatment’ is sleep. Luckily I can sleep even when in excruciating pain. Many Fibromites can’t.

I slept for some 11 hours and crawled out of bed at 6:30 today. Emphasis on crawled.

Because I am in the high phase of my SAD I can operate in spite of the pain. It’s called COPING.

When severe pain strikes I am forced to go to Plan B … or even Plan Z.

I had planned to do some copywriting today. But, that requires too much creativity, too much inspiration. And, my inspiration gets blocked by the pain.

So, I have to find other things with which to distract myself.

Why distract?

Because 1 of the ways to deal with pain is to distract oneself. 1 way I do that is by writing … but not creative writing. Somehow, I am able to blog but I can’t seem to do creative writing. But, then when I am depressed I can teach workshops but I can’t market them. I guess creation just requires too damn much energy.

Other ways I distract myself include Facebooking, Twittering, reading blogs, watching videos, IMing, and  talking on the phone.

Another strategy I’m going to implement is 1 I used 28 years ago when I was clinically depressed. You can probably imagine how little get up and go 1 has when depressed. So, what I came up with was a check list of things I could do when depressed. Naturally, I created the list when I wasn’t depressed. I kept it in the top drawer of my desk at work. And, whenever I was really, really depressed I haul it out. I’d look at the list and see what ‘task’ on the list I thought I could manage to do.

So, I’m adopting the same idea now. I’m going to create a List of things I can do when I’m in pain.

Then on days like today I don’t have to THINK about what I can do, I just look at the list and pick something.

FIRST thing on my list will be, of course, TAKE A NAP!

Copyright 2010 Lyle T. Lachmuth  All Rights Reserved

I was wrong … again!

The challenge is that I’m really not sure just what’s causing the pain. No question the exceedling damp, cold morning air triggers the pain. And, once the pain has been triggered there seems little I can do make it go away.

By noon the pain had become to much and I could no longer force myself to work. So, I went to bed and napped for 2 1/2 hours hoping that sleep would ease the pain. Often it does. It didn’t!

Now is that because a thunder clap awakened me too soon? Damned if I know.

Sometimes a soak in hot water, saturated with Epsom salts (Magnesium Sulfate) helps. Didn’t today.

Sometimes sex helps. Didn’t today.

Sometimes a good brisk walk helps. Didn’t today.

Sometime a glass of wine helps. Didn’t today.

Sometimes acupuncture helps. Ain’t helping so far.

No drugs I’ve taken have helped permanently.

It helps to distract myself from the pain. That’s one of the appeals of Facebook and Twitter and other Social Media sites where I can socialize and forget myself.

But, god would I love a Silver Bullet!

Except there ain’t one.

I am thinking that I may need to drop my dosage of Effexor.
But, first I am going to cut out doing my light therapy.

Man my brain is racing but my body is tired. Used to be that
I could go for days on only 3 hours of sleep. Now the old body lets me know
right away just how unhappy it is.

That racy brain, tired body feeling is crazy making. It must
be like the mixed moods of Bipolar Affective Disorder: manic and depressed at
the same time! Who hoo!

It was nice to walk back from the service station with the
temperature at 0 Celsius (32 F). But, man some of the sidewalks are icy.
Homeowners who don’t shovel their sidewalks should be spanked at the very
least. I had to cross the street to find an ice free sidewalk and nearly got
run over by some yahoo speeding. People in this city are in too much of a
hurry.

The challenge today will be to figure out how to stay
focused; and to actually get something done.

I’m trying the timer method: 30 minutes to write and post
this, for example. And, ignoring the email arrived signals Gmail sends. Turning
the radio off to reduce stimulation. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath
to regain focus. Stretching my neck and upper arms every few minutes when I
notice them, which is usually when my eyes are closed.

Wow. This only took 13 minutes to write. Now to post it and
then on to private reflections.

But then that's how it often is during the swings between pain and no pain.

The last two days have been horrendously painful, as they often seem to be after my acupuncture treatment.

Now the pain is dropping and as I've dropped my pain-freed-up brain starts going ADD-like.

I want to write but what should I write.

Seem to have written a lot about the negatives of this condition … but then lately there's been a lot of pain. But, part of my brain is prodding to be positive and write positive. Must be my Inner Polly Anna nagging. But, I can't think of anything postive at the moment.

My coach and I talked about this the other day. How fast we, especially I, can judge the experience rather than just experiencing the experience. I loved what she said (paraphrase), "Be in the swing. It just is!" I think that's true but man it IS tough to do.

However, I will focus on the positive. So, what's one positive thing about this illness?

Well. I've found out who my real "friends" are. You know the ones who stick with you through thick and thin. And, me canceling lunch 8 times because of last minute pain flare ups. And, postponing coaching sessions. And, just being so bloody unpredictable.

So thanks Brenda Collins, Alex Brown, Steve S., Tafline Lachmuth, Todd Porter, Joyce Tutty, Ruth Lachmuth, Ed Lachmuth, Lynn Lambert, Barry Morris, Trisha Cupra, James Huggins, Jenifer Hofmann, Clarence Thomson, Matt Lachmuth, and all the folks from the Tent whose names I can't remember at the moment, for your support, advice, encouragement, and understanding.

It sucked!!

Rain. Cold. Damp. Wind. Almost guaranteed to bring on pain. And, they did.

It was a shitty, cold, damp day yesterday.

And, I was in pain all freaking day.

Here’s what I going to do to ‘ensure’ this pain doesn’t continue.

One, I’m adding a new item to my daily Walking practice.

Each day, just before I finish my walk I will ask myself, "What will I do for myself today?"

The second thing I’m doing is this: Every Monday I will go through my calendar and block off AT LEAST 3 ME TIMES!

For example, I marked off 3 2-hour periods of time this week that are reserved JUST FOR ME!

I don’t know yet what I will do.

BUT, I do know what I won’t be doing.

I won’t be spending the time on anything or anyone else!

It’s MY TIME!

For what it’s worth I think I’m the only so-called straight person there.

Recently, I asked about the whole "coming out" issue. "Why", I asked, "is there such a big foo fra when a celebrity comes out?"

The answer can be summed up this way: "Those who are GLBT suffer a great deal from suppressing who they are. Coming out, both frees them and sets a pattern or model for those who are still trapped in pain. Pain? Yes, pain: psychic, emotional, spiritual, and physical because they keep all that SHIT inside."

Coming out by celebrities validates the whole notion that it’s OKAY to let people know who you really are.

It occured to me then that many of us have issues with COMING OUT.

For example, in the late 80s and early 90s I suffered with stress and angst around COMING OUT as a "Recovering Fundamentalist".

Now, I want to formally annouce my COMING OUT as a the adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

There! I said it!!

Feels good.

More to come (pardon the pun).

and ways to heal that pain.

The basics: We are wired to FEEL pain. Why? To protect us.

We touch the hot stove. We HURT! We pull away. Phew! No, more burny.

But, what the heck do you do when there is no apparent cause for the pain?

This is the case for folks like me who suffer from Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS) and other dis-eases.

So, what’s a person to do.

When I was diagnosed I was told, "Well, there’s not much I can do for you!" That by an Internal Medicine Specialist.

That’s when an 11 year — and counting — journey of research and experimentation began.

Here’s 3 strategies I practice daily:

1. Walking
2. Stretching
3. Relaxation

More on it’s way.

I’ve been struggling with severe, incapaciating pain for the last 2 months.

Some things I conciously did, like neurotherapy for my fibromyalgia, worked — that is, they helped reduce or eliminate the pain.

But what’s been really crazy making  is that one day or even for several days I could be pain free and then BLAM! For no apparent reason I’d have several days of killing pain.

And, I wouldn’t know what made the difference.

Must be that need for control.

Anyway, recently I made the following comment in an email to my coach, "It seems like the days on which I have no goal or purpose are the worst."

I got thinking about that.

And, when I was in real pain at bed time I decided to set  a purpose for myself for the following day. Not a big, humunguos purpose. Just a commitment that I would spent a couple of hours writing about what I might do to build my coaching practice.

And, the next day I woke up pain free.

Now, this is ONLY 1 day we’re talking about so far. But, I’m hopeful… gotta be!

What if this is one of the  keys to pain freedom?

Then purpose really would be a healing thing.

I’ll keep you posted.

I still remember his detailed description of how to build a proper compost
heap: carefully place each item in it’s ‘correct’ spot, layer orange peels
and cabbage leaves just so, carefully pile on potato peelings, add a dash of coffee grounds for drainage — and
colour. Weird, the things that stick with you (that was more than 40 years ago).

It was he who introduced me to T. S. Eliot’s The Hollow Men with it prophetic pronouncement that the world would end "not with a bang but with a whimper!"

And, that’s another piece of trivia that has stayed with me over the years.

I’m glad it has. Because its a fitting way to describe the death of pain.

I’ve lived with grinding, crushing, excruciating pain over the last 4 years. And, now except for occasional flare ups that happen when lack of sleep meets tumultous weather, I have no pain.

And, it left with no fanfare. No bugles or trumpets. No sirens wailing.

It left with no bang. But, with a whimper.

Tags: pain relief