Jan102009

Flying High In April, Shot Down By May

In early April last year I drove to Banff,Alberta to attend and present at the annual conference of the Calgary Coach Connection.
I was excited to spend time with other coaches and to pilot some new ideas.

Three weeks later I was trapped in bed in excruciating pain.
My Fibromyalgia had returned.

I can handle this, I
thought, I’ve been through this before.
And, I had. I had occasionally experienced some twinges of pain, particularly
on windy, cold or rainy days since 1995. Then starting in the Fall of 2002 pain
became THE gremlin fucking up my life.

By April 2008 I had gone through 7 long term episodes of
pain. The shortest was 2 ½ months in duration and the longest 4 ½ months. So,
when the pain started in April 2008, I was devastated, crushed, pissed,
depressed, and frustrated but figured that come September the pain would gone. I could get through this.

Little was I to know that the pain would go on for 8 ½ months
before I found a way to get some relief. And, today I do have times without pain,
sometimes even entire days. But, the pain is far from gone.

And, I am writing about pain
and the whole damn thing [notice there ain’t no love]
for reasons not
completely known to my conscious mind.

Join me on this journey, if you wish. I will write when inspired and able.

Mar62008

The ‘Gift’ Of Rage

One of the lingering side effects of childhood abuse is … rage!

Rage bubbles up in me … unannounced … unexpected … and uninvited!

Nay! More than bubbles: froths, pukes forth, erupts.

How can rage be a gift?

Or, is it?

It is not a gift when I vent it on those I care about … or those simply close at hand, when it bursts forth; at the least real provocation.

But, if I can use that rage to write about the wrongs, and to right the wrongs, to fuel and direct the spilling forth of words … then mayhap it will be a Gift.