Beyond the Pain

I thought I’d finally figured out a way to end the severe pain that’s been grinding me down for the last 40 days.

I was wrong … again!

The challenge is that I’m really not sure just what’s causing the pain. No question the exceedling damp, cold morning air triggers the pain. And, once the pain has been triggered there seems little I can do make it go away.

By noon the pain had become to much and I could no longer force myself to work. So, I went to bed and napped for 2 1/2 hours hoping that sleep would ease the pain. Often it does. It didn’t!

Now is that because a thunder clap awakened me too soon? Damned if I know.

Sometimes a soak in hot water, saturated with Epsom salts (Magnesium Sulfate) helps. Didn’t today.

Sometimes sex helps. Didn’t today.

Sometimes a good brisk walk helps. Didn’t today.

Sometime a glass of wine helps. Didn’t today.

Sometimes acupuncture helps. Ain’t helping so far.

No drugs I’ve taken have helped permanently.

It helps to distract myself from the pain. That’s one of the appeals of Facebook and Twitter and other Social Media sites where I can socialize and forget myself.

But, god would I love a Silver Bullet!

Except there ain’t one.

Got that old ‘tired and wired’ feeling this morning because
I woke at 1:00 a.m. and could not get back to sleep.

I am thinking that I may need to drop my dosage of Effexor.
But, first I am going to cut out doing my light therapy.

Man my brain is racing but my body is tired. Used to be that
I could go for days on only 3 hours of sleep. Now the old body lets me know
right away just how unhappy it is.

That racy brain, tired body feeling is crazy making. It must
be like the mixed moods of Bipolar Affective Disorder: manic and depressed at
the same time! Who hoo!

It was nice to walk back from the service station with the
temperature at 0 Celsius (32 F). But, man some of the sidewalks are icy.
Homeowners who don’t shovel their sidewalks should be spanked at the very
least. I had to cross the street to find an ice free sidewalk and nearly got
run over by some yahoo speeding. People in this city are in too much of a
hurry.

The challenge today will be to figure out how to stay
focused; and to actually get something done.

I’m trying the timer method: 30 minutes to write and post
this, for example. And, ignoring the email arrived signals Gmail sends. Turning
the radio off to reduce stimulation. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath
to regain focus. Stretching my neck and upper arms every few minutes when I
notice them, which is usually when my eyes are closed.

Wow. This only took 13 minutes to write. Now to post it and
then on to private reflections.