Beyond the Pain

Some days I think it was easier when I was in pain every day.

Bone grinding pain every day sucks no question. But, it's harder for me constantly shifting from pain to no pain and back to pain again.

Take today for instance. (PLEASE take it!)

My pain went away yesterday about 11 in the morning. And, I had a good afternoon. Even got some small changes made to my website.

Then I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been run over by a semi. Achy all over and tired as sin.

And, it's that shifting from no pain to pain that I find immensely discouraging; particularly since these days it seems to be happening every other day. I don't know if the pain feels worse because I'd gotten my hopes up a teeny tiny bit or because it really is worse.

Then of course my rational scientific brain. or at least the part of my brain that still is, kicks in and tries to figure out THE REASON. Why pain today and not yesterday? What did I do wrong? What didn't I do that I 'should' have?

It's probably the damn weather: it's Chinooking again. Massive pressure shifts and a 20 degree F temperature shift from yesterday. And, if it IS that what the heck can I do about it? Move? Hardly. So, it's ride it out — AGAIN!

Let me say first of all that any posts here by me reflect my experience and my opinions. Fibromyalgia is a multisymptom condition and not everybody has the same symptoms and certainly not to the same degree. So, I will talk about what I've experienced, what I've tried, what's worked, and what hasn't. I do not mean to infer that others experience the same symptoms as I. Nor, sadly, will they experience relief from the same things I have; just as I have not experienced relief from what has brought other succor.

What's the worst thing about Fibromyalgia?

Can you say P A I N?

Here's a way for you to get a glimmer of the pain experienced by Fibromites. With your dominant hand reach over to your opposite arm. Grasp your arm about a hand's width above your wrist's flex point. Now squeeze as hard as you can. Come on you can squeeze harder. Hurts doesn't it.

The pain you are experiencing is probably about a tenth the severity experienced by me on a bad day. Trust me, every time I have pain it IS a bad day … the pain is rarely less than top scale severe.

Now imagine having pain of that degree from the tips of your tops to the top of your butt. And, from the tips of your fingers to the tops of your shoulders. 

Got that picture in mind. Okay, now imagine having that all over pain, every waking hour of every day for weeks on end.

Not pretty is it?

In fact it sucks. It sucks because the pain keeps you from sleeping. And, sleep is what you need to repair your body and mind. It sucks, because the pain exhausts you. So, that one those rare days or hours when you have no pain, you also have little energy: mental or physical.

Here's another way to understand the degree of pain.

A few months ago I wound up in the Emergency department of the hospital because of pain in my lower right quandrant and an elevated white cell count. The doctor in the walk in clinic thought I might have appendicitis. Many hours later a CT scan showed that my problem was a kidney stone. Now I was told by a woman in emergency, who was also suffering from a kidney stone, that having a kidney stone was comparable to labour (neither one of us were able to give birth to our stones because they were too big). As severe as the pain from the kidney stone was, it was so much less than the pain from my Fibro. It was like a mild sunburn compared to a third degree burn.

A friend of mine who suffered from Fibro committed suicide because she couldn't stand the pain. I don't blame her one bit.

Chronic pain is a bitch!